Revengeful Lust

Im always right. I know that, that sounds sooo conceded but its true. I was right that I was Andy's revenge, sean had a new girl, that Ivan would show up at starbucks, that our friendship with all the boys was going to end. I am always right. The sucky part is I am right in all the wrong realms of my life. I am never right about happy shit. Today I got promoted and had my second day of rushing. But the moment I am not surrounded by people I fall back into my hole. I feel lonely and used. I have never been wanted for anything more then what I could give someone. I let my stupid guard down and I GET FUCKING USED EVERY FUCKING TIME! I feel so stupid, like I am forever to be used. Men look at me, but its with these eyes of lust. Never as love a interest, nothing beyond sex. I sometime wish I would never have known how amazing life can feel, how amazing it is to be kissed and cuddle. I dont believe in love even more then before. All guys what the same thing nothing more. I see men as scum. And the worst part is I have to see my scum all the fucking time. FUCK I DO IT TO MYSELF, just hoping he will realize how amazing I am how cute I am how much he should be with me. But it wont happen I will always be the hook up, the revenge, the easy one...I hate myself.