Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony.
-Thomas Merton
So today I went and bought some art supplies, and decided I wanted to take a drive. So I did, and I pulled over to look at the damage of my beautiful canyon, I live were the "Station Fire" happened, and the canyon I grew up in is now gone, just a newly formed blank canvas for the next generation in my town to watch be painted. Mother Natures got a temper, but hey don't all women? I don't think if we called if "Father Nature" it would make sense, because in some paradoxical way, the damage done has still left such beauty. I had to pull over to see it up close and I met a man, and artist and we talked. I was nice to have some human connection outside of my "norm". I have been in very dark thoughts lately, obsessing over things outside my control, people that arn't living to my expectations. I have just been getting lost in my thoughts. But today kinda cleared some of those thoughts. I realized that for the moment, I need to see that maybe this distance between my best friend and I is inevitable and its going to happen whether I like it or not. So all I can do is be her friend the only way I know how and start branching out of my "norm". So I am going to take these realizations and try them out tonight when I am with my friends. I can't do this to myself, I deserve to be happy to feel content, and I need now to figure out how to do that. That is my new goal, is to find out how to stay happy for longer periods of time. - meliss
