Sorry for my spelling and grammar

Im in love, like really true blue love. Ive never felt so scared in my fucking life. My heart melts when he tells me he loves me. I feel warm and safe, and like no one else matters. Its this feeling cant really handle. Its so fucking hard to knw that some one loves you. The fact that tey could just leave and thats it...your loss apart of your heart. Its nights like these that I feel the lowest that i think about my life and whats happend, whats happening, and what might happen. Whats happening is I am scared...so fucking scarred that my heart wants to run into my feet and my mind just wants an easy release. My friends and I are at this stand still. Mae lost her mom and since then its like I am a horrible person. I think she might just tigh memeories of the end with me, and maybe its just hard for her to have me around. Or maybe Im just met to leave her. She is my best friend, but i have never felt so much coldness from one human being. Who do you turn too when the person that was always there is gone? I want to tell my best firend now fucking scared I am that I am in love, and how badly i want to ruin it and go crazy so that way i dont have to worry about him breaking my heart in the future...that andy lives in my brain. that i wish i could take it all back from him. that i miss who i was, that new melissa kinda sucks. that I dont like myself anymore. that ima sad again, and i dont know how to make me okay. that i just want to say fuck it. i feel like i cant do life anymore. I liked life along time ago, but then again i hated life then too. i dont think that I will ever be one of those people that is ever really happy.. i will alawys see the sad, negitive, gross place i have created this world to be in my eyes. I guess things arnt that bad, i just am sick of feeling overwhelmed. but no lie, being in love is fucking mind blowing.