Another mental night.

Im sitting here, on a friday night alone with no word from the boyfriend and no real chance at seeing him. So who comes into my mind...you of course...who else. I miss you still. Its been around 3 months since I have heard from you...I dont think we have ever gone this long...not in the year we were fucking around. I guess this time its really over. I found someone new, he is pretty amazing. Emotionally there, caring, kissy, amazing in bed, he loves me so much. That last part is what scares me the most. He loves me,and I dont know if I love him as much...I mean I know I love him but you rent more space in my head then he does. Thats not okay with me. Its so hard to not know whats going on with you. I wish I could just run into you...I need to run into you. I need to see you one last time, I need to say my peace. Why did you out of all the fucking people in this world be the one that is forever going to mean the most to me? Got Andy I miss you, and there isnt much to miss. I dont know why I felt so strong for you, and I wish people would understand. I know that this is whats meant to happen, but fuck it. I want to stop going back to you when ever I have a bad day of ima emotionally weak. My boy just texted me, and all I want to do instead is cry, smoke a bowl, and sleep. I dont feel emotionally right anymore. Like i feel like I have finally lost something and its time I find it. I want more then this. I need more then this. I want people, I need people. Please send me good solid people universe.