V card expired

Last night things went to far. I mean after all the things i have written about him, all the hurt he has caused me...i go and have sex with him. How fucking weak can i be. He doesnt talk to be for over a week and the moment i hear from him its on...i cant believe my self. I never actually thought it wouold get to this point. I want so much more and he isnt willing to give that. He wants a girl he can skrew around with when he is bored. I want so badly to read into his sweet moment...to say "yes he care, couldnt you tell he was so kind" but he doesnt care, and if he does then he sure as hell dosnt know how to fucking show it. I want him to want me like i want him, but that just doesnt seem to be in the cards for me this time. He is everything to me and i am just sex to him...why the fuck did girls get given these fucking emotions? Why cant guys just show a little bit of fucking care? Its not that much to ask... i promise i want use it agains you. I am not like that... i know what its like to hate being vonerable, but come on cant you just for once show me a softer side? And to make matters worst...their going to know. His stupid little friends. My firend want me to be happy they have seen my love and want for him for over 5 years....i am just now his hook up... that stupid girl that he gets to use. And now its taken to a larger much more painful level. Fuckkk what did i do last night???

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